<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>He Doesn't Know I'm His Biggest Fan by xAmberRosex</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686112">He Doesn't Know I'm His Biggest Fan</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAmberRosex/pseuds/xAmberRosex'>xAmberRosex</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Falling In Love, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, POV Female Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 09:36:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686112</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAmberRosex/pseuds/xAmberRosex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Meeting your idol without him knowing you are his biggest fan.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Im Changkyun | I.M/Reader, Im Changkyun | I.M/You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amongst the crowd in this coffee shop, I don’t stand out much. I’m not pretty, I’m not cute, I’m just an average girl. I don’t have many hobbies or go on dates, but I am obsessed with something, or rather, someone: Im Changkyun. While drinking a hot jasmine honey tea, I’m simultaneously checking Monsta X’s Fancafe and chatting with fellow monbebes on Kakao about their latest comeback.</p>
<p>Taking a pause from my phone, I watched as a tall figure entered the coffee shop. Only seeing him from behind, his baggy black sweats seemed eerily familiar. As he was ordering, he turned to his side revealing a black face mask and unkempt black hair parted in the middle. Once he turned around, I recognized his iconic eyebrow piercing. I froze. “There’s no way…” I thought to myself, “It can’t be him. It’s probably someone that just looks like him.”</p>
<p>As few chairs were available, I watched as he came closer. My heart pounded with each step he took. “Is anyone sitting here?” he asked. I shook my head no, too terrified to say a word as I watched him sit down next to me, patiently waiting for his order. Practically shaking, I continued looking at my phone, scanning through Fancafe and SNS to see if he posted about going anywhere today. “Is that the Chrysanthemum tea they make here?” he turned to me to ask. Quickly putting away my phone “yeah, it’s good,” I said with a nervous tone. “I’ve never had it before, but it smells so good. Should I get it?” he asked. Feeling a little less terrified, I answered, “sure, I think you’d like it.” He looked at me slyly, “you think so?” “Well, maybe if you like sweet teas,” I said shyly. “I’ll go grab one now then. Do you mind watching my stuff?” he asked. I mustered up a smile, “sure.” He walked back towards the counter and I started to slightly hyperventilate. My idol was sitting next to me and talking to me, but he had no idea that I knew who he was.</p>
<p>He came back with two cups of tea along with his original order and handed one of the cups to me, “I hope you don’t mind, but I got you another cup as a thank you for the recommendation.” I shyly took the cup, trying to hide any sign of blushing, “thank you,” I said meekly. “What’s your name?” he asked before sipping his tea. I gave him my name and he smiled, “that’s a really beautiful name.” My heart felt like it was going to drop on the floor in front of me. “I’m Changkyun,” he said.</p>
<p>It felt like a blur as we continued to talk, everything from the latest drama shows to our favorite foods and funny internet memes, but never about what he did for a living. I pretended that it didn’t matter and tried my best to remain calm in front of him. “I’m really glad I ended up sitting next to you. What’s your username on Kakao?” he asked. My eyes widened slightly before giving him my username and receiving his. “Is it cool if we meet up again sometime soon?” he smiled. I said quiveringly, “yeah, that would be great.” He picked up his cup and mine before saying, “I’ll see you around then”. I smiled, too nervous to say anything back, and watched him leave the coffee shop.<br/>
Looking outside the windows to see the night sky made me realize how much time had passed talking with him. “I can’t believe it..” I thought to myself. “It wasn’t really him? Was it?” I stared off into the distance for a while in disbelief until I felt a notification from my phone. I turned it over and saw a notification from the VLIVE app.</p>
<p>LIVE: I.M. 🐺</p>
<p>Almost instinctively, I clicked the notification and the livestream revealed him wearing the same black sweats I met him in. It really was him. I really sat next to, talked to, and gave my Kakao to Im Changkyun. I closed the app and rushed out of the coffee shop to get back home before I could faint in front of everyone. “It really was him,” was all I could think.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Camped out since early morning, I stood in line sleepily with other monbebes waiting for the Mnet tapping of Monsta X’s comeback performance. Holding closely my lightstick and handmade banner with Changkyun’s name on it, I waited as we all slowly entered the venue. Knowing that I would see him there, I made sure to conceal myself as much as possible in fear of him recognizing me. I was terrified that he would see me and never want to speak to me again. Once I finally got inside, I felt more relaxed knowing there was very little chance he would spot me in the large crowd of fans. Settling into a spot with a good view of the stage, I waited until it was time for their performance and completely lost myself in everything.</p><p>Frantically waving around my lightstick and banner, I enjoyed every second of their performance. I noticed Changkyun was smiling more often in between takes and sporting a new hair color. I felt a wave of relief once I exited the venue knowing that he didn’t see me. Once I got home, I saw a notification from Kakao.</p><p>Changkyun: Hey! what are you up to right now 🤔 </p><p>My heart started pounding. I felt slightly dizzy as I saw his username flash across my screen. I mustered up the courage to respond back to him.</p><p>Me: Nothing really. I’ve been home all day<br/>Changkyun: Do you want to hang out? I need to do some shopping and I thought maybe it’d be nice to see you again 😊<br/>Me: Sure, where do you want to meet up?</p><p>He texted me the address to a shop I recognized in a previous livestream of his where he mentioned it being one of his favorites.</p><p>Changkyun: Meet me there in an hour?<br/>Me: I’ll see you then</p><p>My heart felt like it was going to explode when I sent the text and I knew I had to quickly change. There was no way he could see me like this. I dug through my closet for my nicest clothes and carefully put on makeup before leaving the house.</p><p>After exiting the subway, I walked over to the address he texted. He was standing outside the shop, fiddling with his phone. Wearing a black sweatshirt, tattered tight jeans, black sneakers, circular glasses, and barefaced without his stage makeup, he smiled as I approached, “Wow you look really pretty.” I blushed, not able to say a word, only smiling. “Have you been to this shop before?” he asked. “I haven’t,” I responded. “I really want to get some new outfits, but I’m really bad at shopping. Could you help me find something that’ll look good on me?” he asked. I took a deep breath, thinking “You look good in everything, you don’t need my help,” but I responded with, “Sure, let’s go inside.”</p><p>The shop was a very trendy place with the top hits booming over the speakers. As we were looking around, he asked, pointing to his hair, “Did you notice anything different about me?” I smiled, “oh, you dyed your hair?” Pretending to act surprised about his new hair color. “Yeah! Do you like it?” he asked. I blushed, speaking softly, “It looks good,” trying not to look directly at him in fear of embarrassment. He chuckled as he could tell I was embarrassed.</p><p>We shopped for a while, watching him try on clothes, and complimenting him as he truly looked handsome in every outfit he put on. I waited outside while he was checking out since I needed a breather. It was still unbelievable that I could be with him at this moment. When he came outside, he handed me a small bag. “Here,” he said with a smile, “It’s for you.” I opened the bag and saw a petite pair of earrings. I immediately became flustered, “You didn’t have to...um…” I said stuttering. He smiled, “I thought they would match your outfit. Try them on!” I took the earrings out and stumbled to try to put them on. I successfully put on the left earring, but in my embarrassed state, I fumbled to clasp the back of the right earring. He chuckled, “Here, let me help.” I instinctively looked down at my feet as he stood close to me and I was sure that I would faint. Turning completely red that even my ears felt hot, I thanked him softly as he finished clasping the earring on. “Wow, they really do look good on you,” he complimented, smiling at me.</p><p>Suddenly, his phone went off. He excused himself as he walked away to answer it. Not being able to hear what he was saying, he seemed agitated. He hung up the phone and came back looking slightly frustrated. “I’m really sorry, but I have to go,” he said sounding upset. “When’s the next time I can see you again?”  he asked. I bit my lip in nervousness before telling him, “I’m free this weekend.” “Great!” he responded happily, “I promise next date I won’t run off like this again.” I could feel my heart leap into my throat when he said date, but I feigned a weak smile. “I’ll text you soon,” he said before running off and waving goodbye. Shakily, I waved back before sighing in relief once he was out of sight. I had so many swirling thoughts and feelings, listening to my heart race.</p><p>Once I got home, I exhaustively washed the makeup off my face and got into my comfiest pajamas before falling into my bed. I kept replaying every part of the day in my head, scared that I didn’t talk enough or smile enough. I gripped my pillow tightly, trying to stop myself from spiraling when I heard a notification from my phone. I hurriedly grabbed it and saw a message from Changkyun.</p><p>Changkyun: I’m so glad I got to see you today. I’m really sorry I left so suddenly. I hope you have a good night babe 😘</p><p>I nearly felt my soul leaving my body seeing him call me babe. Without even thinking, I screamed happily into my pillow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The weekend arrived quicker than I expected and I waited impatiently for the next time I would hear from Changkyun. Repeatedly checking my phone made me remember that he was an idol and I was a regular girl. His life was full of practices, recordings, concerts, while I only watched from afar as a fan. Sitting in my room with Monsta X posters messily decorating it, I thought to myself how painful it was to hide being a fan of his. From the moment we met, I knew I had to hide that fact from him. I was afraid he wouldn’t want to be seen with a fan or would find it off-putting to know how much I adored him.</p><p>Interrupting the spiraling thoughts, I felt my phone vibrate and I hurriedly grabbed it, watching his username pop up:</p><p>Changkyun: Hey babe 💖 I’m sorry I haven’t messaged you since we last saw each other. I’ve just been so busy lately with work...<br/>Changkyun: Are you free tonight? I have something special planned for us to make up for leaving so suddenly last time</p><p>My heart raced and I paused for a moment to fantasize about what kind of plans he had. Before getting completely lost in my fantasies, I responded back.</p><p>Me: It’s okay, I’m free tonight. What did you have in mind?</p><p>He texted back with instructions to meet him at a specific park around 6pm.</p><p>Changkyun: I’ll see you tonight 😊</p><p>Though the date was still hours away, I fretted while laying on my bed, holding my pillow tightly. I kept trying to come up with scenarios on what the date would be like. Before long, I pulled myself together and started getting ready. Wearing the earrings he bought me, I headed out feeling more anxious than ever before.</p><p>I arrived as the evening sun was starting to settle, noticing how crowded the park was. Looking around for Changkyun, I saw him walk towards me and call my name sweetly. He was wearing a red hoodie, black jeans, and black shoes with his bangs in front of his face. He reached for my hand, “I want to show you something,” he said. I blushed as I grabbed his hand and we walked together through the crowd, him leading me away. The night started falling as we were walking before he said, “Close your eyes.” I closed my eyes, feeling nervous but also excited to be with him. Light slowly crept over my closed eyes and he told me to open them, revealing a beautiful light festival in front of us. Not many people were around and the quiet serenity made the lights shine brighter. I fixed my gaze on the smattering of lights and watched them dance around in a gorgeous display. “I wanted to show you this. Every year they have this light festival in the park and I always wished I had someone special to see it with,” he said while watching the lights. “I’m glad that special person is you,” he said looking at me, smiling.</p><p>Once the sky became darker, we sat on a nearby bench together. He wanted to know more about me. He asked me about my family, where I went to school, what I did for work, what I did for fun. I felt embarrassed to talk about myself at such length. Nervously twisting my hair, I asked him about what he did for work, though I knew the answer. He responded, “I’m a musician, well, actually a rapper.” He paused, “Have you heard of Monsta X?” I held my breath to prevent myself from reacting. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them,” I lied, feeling pressure on my chest. He responded, “That’s okay. I guess it makes sense why you wouldn’t have recognized me then.” He had a neutral tone of voice that made it difficult to tell whether he was happy or disappointed by this fact. Trying to move past this, I continued to ask about his family and what it was like growing up for him. I wanted to know more about him; more than I could have ever read on the fan sites. I listened to him carefully, taking in every detail he described his life growing up and how he became the man he is today. I felt myself getting lost in his words and the way his face would light up talking about sweet memories from his childhood.</p><p>As the streetlights glowed, we talked for hours. I thought to myself, “He is truly amazing. I don’t ever want this to end.” Almost as if he could read my mind, he told me, “How did I end up so lucky to meet someone like you?” He looked up at the sky, “Is this what destiny is?” He gazed lovingly back at me and wrapped his arms around me, bringing me closer to him. He eased into a kiss and I closed my eyes, accepting the warmth of his lips. Unlocking our lips,  I opened my eyes to see his smiling face. Suddenly, an urge overflowed in me and I initiated another kiss. We held hands and enjoyed the passionate moment with each other.</p><p>Before long, I knew we had to depart. I knew he had a busy life and I didn’t want to take him away from it. I told him I needed to go and he told me he wanted to see me again soon. He looked at the calendar on his phone and frowned. He didn’t know when he would be free, but he promised to message me often until then. We embraced in one last kiss, this one feeling longer than the others before he watched me leave. Thinking about the feeling of his lips on mine, I headed home to collapse into my bed. Once home, I looked over at a large poster of him on my wall. I smiled and thought of his warm embrace before drifting asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several days had past and I heard sparingly from Changkyun. He was always kind in his messages, wishing me a good day and calling me babe. I wondered when I would see him next as I watched Monsta X on TV attending award shows. Watching him smiling with the six other members and thanking monbebes for their support, made me think about our previous date. Our first kiss was something I couldn’t forget, but I knew it would be a while until we could see each other again. Still, I didn’t waver in my support as a fan. As much as I could, I would vote in polls to help them win awards, stream their newest songs to help them rank high in the charts, and do everything I could to support the group. I knew the more support Monsta X received, the happier he would be. Though he didn’t know my secret, I swore to be a loyal fan ever since I first heard of the group and that wasn’t going to change.</p><p>Late one night, after I finished watching a VLIVE broadcast from the group, he messaged me.</p><p>Changkyun: I wish you were with me right now ❤️️ What are you doing tomorrow night?<br/>Me: I don’t think I have anything planned…<br/>Changkyun: How about I come over to your place and cook you something special? <br/>Changkyun: It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I want to make up for that 😘</p><p>My heart sunk. “He wants to come over, to my place?” I thought, my eyes immediately darting to see the Monsta X merchandise scattered throughout. I panicked at the thought of him coming over, but deep down, I desperately wanted to see him.</p><p>Me: I’d really like that. What time?<br/>Changkyun: 6pm. I’ll bring over some ingredients and we can watch a movie afterward 😜<br/>Me: I can’t wait 😊</p><p>As soon as we finished messaging each other, I brought out my cleaning supplies and went over-the-top to scrub every inch of the place. Cleaning into the night, I made sure not a single trace of dirt could be found. I knew I had to remove all the merchandise before tomorrow night, but in my exhaustion, I fell asleep before I could get started.</p><p>Waking up in the afternoon, I hurriedly gathered all the Monsta X posters, albums, fancards, and other pieces of merchandise, placing them into bins underneath my bed covered with blankets. Though the walls and shelves seemed bare, I felt happy to have finished cleaning with plenty of time to get ready. I found my nicest clothes, put on makeup, and organized my kitchen to look perfect for him. While organizing, I heard my doorbell ring, and my heart raced as I buzzed him in.</p><p>He came in with a bag of ingredients looking ever so handsome. In a casual button-up with tight-fitting jeans and sporting round glasses, he looked around the place and complimented how nice it looked. “Your place is definitely better than our dorms,” he laughed as he placed the bag on the kitchen counter. He took out the ingredients and explained he would cook Japchae for me. Not knowing much about cooking, I asked, “Can you show me how you make it?” His eyes lit up and he smiled as he explained each ingredient’s purpose for the dish. Guiding me on how to cook the dishes, he wrapped his arms around my waist and watched as I tried my best to not mess up the recipe. When I would struggle, he would kindly help and kiss my cheek playfully to make me smile. Once the cooking was finished, he assembled the Japchae into bowls, garnished to perfection, and we dug in. I smiled so wide as I tasted my first bite and realized how wonderful it came together. He watched as I enjoyed each bite and felt satisfied by the happiness from his cooking.</p><p>Once we finished cleaning the dishes together, we settled in to watch a movie. He had several DVDs in his bag and let me pick one before snuggled on the couch together. I felt nervous to be so close to him, but as I laid on his chest, I relaxed into the rhythm of his heartbeat. With only the glow of the television, I began to slowly drift asleep, comforted by the warmth of him wrapping his arms around me. </p><p>In a vague, half-asleep state, I felt a blanket draped over me and the sound of writing, but before long, I awoke to a morning without him. I dreamt about being with him all night, wrapped in his arms, and felt a pit of sadness. Then, I found a note in front of me.</p><p>“Good morning sleepyhead! <br/>I’m sorry I couldn’t stay the night with you. I really wish I could have...<br/>I’ll make it up to you soon. Luv you babe”</p><p>A few hearts were scattered across the note in neat handwriting and the words “Luv you babe” made me feel like I was floating. Holding the note close to me, I wished for more time with him. I reached over for my phone and saw a post on Fancafe with a photo of him working in his recording studio. I gazed lovingly at the photo, thinking about the next time we would see each other.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spring was steadily closing in as the winter months started to fade away. Monsta X was on tour in the U.S. to promote their new English album “All About Luv” and I watched as all seven of them enjoyed performing for fans. Keeping a close eye on posts across their social media, I felt a pang of loneliness every time I saw something from Changkyun. Thankfully his almost daily text messages helped ease the hardship of not seeing him for weeks. </p><p>As Valentine’s Day approached, I distracted myself from the sadness of not spending it with him by supporting the release of their album. I previously pre-ordered the version with him on it and anticipated its arrival. When it came in the mail, I listened repeatedly to each song, hypnotized by his deep voice singing about love alongside the wonderful vocals of the other members. I almost felt embarrassed to be listening to the songs, drifting into fantasies about him and our relationship.</p><p>A week later, he messaged me on Kakao late at night:</p><p>Changkyun: “I’m coming back from our tour tomorrow. I really miss you babe and want to see you ❤️️ Can I come by your place tomorrow? ”<br/>Me: “I miss you too. Don’t you want to rest up for a little bit first?”<br/>Changkyun: “Rest doesn’t matter. I just want to see you so badly 😤”</p><p>My heart jumped reading the last text. I knew how tired he would be after touring and as a fan, I wanted him to rest, but I reflexively smiled at the thought of seeing him so soon.</p><p>Me: “Okay, I’ll make us some dinner then”<br/>Changkyun: “You’re the best babe 😍😍😍 I’ll be over by 6”</p><p>I immediately headed to the store and searched through fansites, researching what kind of food he liked. I decided to get ingredients for a non-spicy Bibimbap and spent the rest of the day cleaning before collapsing into bed. I spent the night dreaming of being with him, wrapped in his arms.</p><p>I woke up late the next day and quickly finished preparing for his arrival. Scrambling through my closet, I indecisively searched for the perfect outfit before putting a coordinate together. I delicately put on makeup and fixed my hair, hoping he would like me dressed up for him. Once I was ready, I started to prepare dinner by cutting the vegetables, preparing the kimchi, cooking the meat, and getting the rice cooker started. I was wholly focused on preparing dinner when the doorbell startled me. Looking at the clock, I knew it was him and I rushed to answer the door.</p><p>Opening the door, I found Changkyun with a bouquet of my favorite flowers in a red button-down, tight black pants, and a black baseball cap. My eyes lit up looking at the beautiful arrangement and he brought me in for a passionate kiss. “I missed you so much,” he said afterward, stroking my hair behind my ears. He looked at the flowers, “I hope it isn’t too old-school to give you flowers, but I thought I’d make up for not being with you on Valentine’s Day,” he said while looking at the flowers, feeling slightly embarrassed for the romantic gesture. I smiled and held his hand, bringing him inside. I grabbed a vase and placed the flowers into it. “They’re absolutely beautiful,” I said while carefully arranging the flowers in the vase. “Just like you,” he said smoothly, putting his arms around my waist from behind and kissing my cheek. I flushed red, timidly thanking him for the flowers. I turned around and laid my head into his chest, enjoying his embrace and taking a deep sigh of relief, happy to be with him once again. </p><p>Making sure I didn’t burn anything, I put together our dinner and hoped he would like it. I handed him his portion and once he took a bite, he smiled and thanked me. “This is really good! Thanks for taking care of me tonight,” He said before grabbing my hand and kissing it. I could tell he was tired from all the traveling, but I felt glad he came to see me. While eating, we chatted about being on tour and what it was like. Though I already knew a lot about what they did, it was nice to hear what his favorite aspects were; meeting new fans, trying different local food, and spending time with the other members sightseeing. There were more questions I had as a fan like what was next for the group and him, but I decided against asking. </p><p>Once we were finished, I brought the dishes to the sink and we settled into the couch, trying to figure out what we should watch. He rested his head onto my chest while we laid down and I felt my heart beating rapidly in joy. “Wow, your heart is racing! You must really like me then huh,” he teased. I giggled and teased back, “It might be more than just that.” We laughed and held hands while watching a movie. Before long, I heard deep breaths from him and looked over to see him fast asleep. “He must have dozed off during the movie,” I thought to myself before I gently woke him up and asked, “Do you want to go back to the dorms?” Sleepily he answered, “No..I just want to stay with you. Can I stay here tonight?” I felt butterflies in my stomach as it was nerve-wracking to think of him staying over, but I wanted to make sure he rested after such a tiring tour. “Okay, you can stay in my room. I’ll just..uh..sleep on the cou--,” I said before he cut me off. “I want to be with you tonight. We’ve been apart for so long. I don’t want to be apart even when we sleep,” he said, looking at me with tired but loving eyes. Excited chills ran through my body at the thought of sharing a bed together.</p><p>We walked together to my bedroom and he got into the covers. I went to the bathroom to remove my makeup and change into pajamas. I came back into the room shyly and tried to keep my head down while turning off the lights so he couldn’t see my bare face. I slid into the covers next to him and watched as he could barely stay awake. He burrowed himself into me, allowing me to embrace him and said quietly while slowly drifting into sleep, “I..love you.” I smiled and felt tears welling up in my eyes. “I love you too,” I said, kissing his forehead and embracing him tighter before falling asleep together.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>